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I’ve done a whole lot of traveling in my life, but I’ve never been on a cruise. Unless you count the Staten Island Ferry, or those overnight boats you take all around Indonesia and the Philippines. I just don’t see the point, really. If you’re going to be on a floating hotel for a week, why not just go to a hotel? Then you can come and go as you please. And you don’t have to walk in an oval. And you don’t spend your days in the most commercialized spot in the country when you step out your front door (or ramp, in this case).
Plus hearing Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” used in a Carnival Cruise Line ad made me feel the industry was even more clueless than I had expected. A song about a heroin addict, by a circa-1977 punk band, used for an ad about doing the same thing every day as 600 other tourists? That shows a lust for life? It drove me crazy.
Every time I think that maybe I should try it once just so I’m speaking from experience, I see some article that convinces me I’d rather be staying almost anywhere than on one of those floating people movers. The best one ever just came out in Smart Money magazine. Thankfully, they’ve posted it on line, so you can read the whole thing yourself. “Ten Things Your Cruise Line Won’t Tell You.”
Here are a few salient points you probably expected, but can now see confirmed:
– “Almost all tickets allow cruise lines to change itineraries at their discretion.”
– “Cruise ships are an ideal breeding ground for viruses: thousands of people in close proximity, eating food made in the same kitchen, inhabiting enclosed spaces that just a few days before housed someone else.”
– “Our ‘gourmet’ food is anything but.”
– “Excursions, which are not included in the cost of the cruise, are a ‘huge moneymaker’ for cruise lines.” (You’ll often pay 1/5 of the price walking off the boat and arranging it yourself.)
– “People who expect a sophisticated experience probably wouldn’t be happy.”
– “”We’ll get along fine — as long as you don’t have any complaints.””
I’ll sign off with a little refrain from that Carnival ditty, “Lust for Life”
I’m worth a million in prizes
Yeah, I’m through with sleeping on the sidewalk
No more beating my brains
No more beating my brains
With the liquor and drugs
With the liquor and drugs
(nice paycheck for doing nothing though Ig–I’ll give you that!)
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